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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Perhaps a New Direction

I am notoriously bad with executing follow through.  Motivation is not my strong point.  But perhaps that shall change, at least for the time being.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what I want out of my future.  The reason for this: I'm not happy in my current situation, at least, not as happy as I could be. Yes, I have an amazing girlfriend whom I love very much, and whom I'm in a great relationship with.  Yes, I'm living on my own, independent, and financially secure.  And yes, I'm doing meaningful work.  Unfortunately I don't think its the work I'm supposed to be doing.

I love my youth, and many of my volunteers but I think after this year, it will be time for me to move on.  I don't know if I'm meant to do youth ministry as a full time job.  I will always be involved in it in some way... it's part of who I am... but the politics, the busy work, the staring at a computer, the appeasement of parents... not for me.  I'd be much better adept at being a volunteer.

So when I think about what I want to do for the rest of my life, I think about what I am passionate about.  First of all, I know I am called to raise a family.  I want to marry a beautiful Catholic woman and raise beautiful Catholic babies... whomever that woman may be ;) .  But I also think about what God is calling me to do for a career, and the nearly overwhelming desires I've had lately.  I want to be a writer.  It's in my blood.  The reason I've started blogging again is because of my irresistible urge to release all that I have inside me onto paper (or screen).  I've continued to work more frequently on my novel, although this is still quite the feat for me as a combination of lack of confidence and experience tend to hinder the actual execution of my burning motivation.  I also know that I have a deep and intrinsic thirst to learn.  I want to go to Grad-school... it's beckoning me.  I can't put it off much longer.  Eventually, I want to teach at a University and give the knowledge I've accumulated to future generations.  There's a lot of things I want.  Right now, I don't know specifically where God is calling me, but more and more each day I'm becoming certain its not here.

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