Perhaps a New Direction

I am notoriously bad with executing follow through.  Motivation is not my strong point.  But perhaps that shall change, at least for the time being.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what I want out of my future.  The reason for this: I'm not happy in my current situation, at least, not as happy as I could be. Yes, I have an amazing girlfriend whom I love very much, and whom I'm in a great relationship with.  Yes, I'm living on my own, independent, and financially secure.  And yes, I'm doing meaningful work.  Unfortunately I don't think its the work I'm supposed to be doing.

I love my youth, and many of my volunteers but I think after this year, it will be time for me to move on.  I don't know if I'm meant to do youth ministry as a full time job.  I will always be involved in it in some way... it's part of who I am... but the politics, the busy work, the staring at a computer, the appeasement of parents... not for me.  I'd be much better adept at being a volunteer.

So when I think about what I want to do for the rest of my life, I think about what I am passionate about.  First of all, I know I am called to raise a family.  I want to marry a beautiful Catholic woman and raise beautiful Catholic babies... whomever that woman may be ;) .  But I also think about what God is calling me to do for a career, and the nearly overwhelming desires I've had lately.  I want to be a writer.  It's in my blood.  The reason I've started blogging again is because of my irresistible urge to release all that I have inside me onto paper (or screen).  I've continued to work more frequently on my novel, although this is still quite the feat for me as a combination of lack of confidence and experience tend to hinder the actual execution of my burning motivation.  I also know that I have a deep and intrinsic thirst to learn.  I want to go to Grad-school... it's beckoning me.  I can't put it off much longer.  Eventually, I want to teach at a University and give the knowledge I've accumulated to future generations.  There's a lot of things I want.  Right now, I don't know specifically where God is calling me, but more and more each day I'm becoming certain its not here.

A New Start

I have resolved to start blogging again--perhaps every day if I can force myself to keep up the motivation. I do this as an attempt to reignite the flame of inspiration back into my life. Long has it been since I've felt the joy of a new idea coursing through my mind, like a being of its own longing to come to life.

I don't think my life, or my mind, are boring per se... I only think that perhaps I fail to properly to consider the beauty and depth of life, or to fully embrace the capacity of my human mind to delve into the truths of reality to the extent to which I should.

And so, for now at least, this will become the post-it note of my mind in an effort to force myself to exercise the God-given gift of reflection. It may be interesting, it may be dull. It may be complex and simple all at the same time. It may be perfunctory, deep, silly, sad... it may be a multitude of many a thing. But Hopefully the last thing it will be is empty.

This is my soul's search for meaning, and so I invite you dear reader, if a reader you may be, to journey with me if you feel yourself brave enough. And with that dear reader, "Once more into the breach, dear friends".