Life Goals

Here are some of my life goals.  I'm always adding to them, but as of now, this is what I want to do with my life!

Life Goals:

1)      Get a Masters

2)      Get a Doctorate

3)      Get Married

4)      Have Children

5)      Get Realtor’s license

6)      Flip a House

7)      Open a Retreat Center

8)      Write and Publish a Book

9)      Record a CD

10)   Invest in a business endeavor

11)   Become Fluent in Spanish

12)   Become Fluent in French

13)   Become Fluent in Italian

14)   Become Fluent in German

15)   Become Fluent in Mandarin

16)   Earn $100 from Adsense in one month

17)   Earn $250 from Adsense in one month

18)   Earn $500 from Adsense in one month

19)   Earn $1000 from Adsense in one month

Perhaps a New Direction

I am notoriously bad with executing follow through.  Motivation is not my strong point.  But perhaps that shall change, at least for the time being.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what I want out of my future.  The reason for this: I'm not happy in my current situation, at least, not as happy as I could be. Yes, I have an amazing girlfriend whom I love very much, and whom I'm in a great relationship with.  Yes, I'm living on my own, independent, and financially secure.  And yes, I'm doing meaningful work.  Unfortunately I don't think its the work I'm supposed to be doing.

I love my youth, and many of my volunteers but I think after this year, it will be time for me to move on.  I don't know if I'm meant to do youth ministry as a full time job.  I will always be involved in it in some way... it's part of who I am... but the politics, the busy work, the staring at a computer, the appeasement of parents... not for me.  I'd be much better adept at being a volunteer.

So when I think about what I want to do for the rest of my life, I think about what I am passionate about.  First of all, I know I am called to raise a family.  I want to marry a beautiful Catholic woman and raise beautiful Catholic babies... whomever that woman may be ;) .  But I also think about what God is calling me to do for a career, and the nearly overwhelming desires I've had lately.  I want to be a writer.  It's in my blood.  The reason I've started blogging again is because of my irresistible urge to release all that I have inside me onto paper (or screen).  I've continued to work more frequently on my novel, although this is still quite the feat for me as a combination of lack of confidence and experience tend to hinder the actual execution of my burning motivation.  I also know that I have a deep and intrinsic thirst to learn.  I want to go to Grad-school... it's beckoning me.  I can't put it off much longer.  Eventually, I want to teach at a University and give the knowledge I've accumulated to future generations.  There's a lot of things I want.  Right now, I don't know specifically where God is calling me, but more and more each day I'm becoming certain its not here.

Exposition on the Litany of Humility

The Litany of Humility, composed by Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930), is one of my most favorite prayers, and one which I try to pray everyday (although fail miserably at). Nevertheless, to achieve what this prayer asks for is one of the deepest desires of my heart. The prayer begins:

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, Hear me! Here we are praying to the one who embodies the virtues that we desire most by praying this prayer--not only humility but meekness (a beautiful but often overlooked virtue). Meekness is the combination of the virtues patience (bearing burdens joyfully) and gentility (right mediation of anger) and is equivalent to mercy. By praying this litany we are not only asking for humility, but also the patience to bear, and the gentility to deal with those who/that which make us humble.

The next three sections deal with the three aspects of humility--overcoming the desire to be loved, overcoming the fear of being rejected, and desiring the good of others in all things.

From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me Jesus!

Lord, help me not to seek fame or esteem, but to accept it when it comes, and let it glorify you.

From the desire of being loved...

Lord, help me not to seek love in unhealthy or unneeded ways. Help me be complete satisfied with your love. Help me to love purely in all things.

From the desire of being extolled...
From the desire of being honored...
From the desire of being praised...

Lord, help me do all things for the love of you alone. Help me to give all praise and honor to you and keep nothing for myself. Help me to lead hearts to you, and not to myself.

From the desire of preferred...
From the desire of being consulted...
From the desire of being approved...

Lord, help me to use my gifts for only those things you deem holy. Help me not to seek approval or to flaunt gifts you have given me. Help me to accept it when my friends go to other people for advice.

From the fear of being humiliated…

Lord, banish all fear from my heart. Help me to not be afraid of anything you have planned for me. Help me not to fear my cross or the purifying fires of your love. Help me live with reckless abandon, running towards the unknown things you have planned for me.

From the fear of being despised...

Lord, help me to care only about what you think. Let me not fear the the despisement of others, which is often based on fear and misunderstanding itself.

From the fear of being rebuked...

Lord, help me accept humbly the consequences for what I have done wrong. Help me Lord to even accept responsibility for that which I did not do wrong, in order to atone for that which I have gotten away with.

From the fear of being calumniated...
From the fear of being forgotten...
From the fear of being ridiculed...
From the fear of being wronged...
From the fear of being suspected...

Lord help me to live only with joy, without fear in my heart. Help to accept all things that lead me closer to your heart.

That others may be loved more than I, Jesus grant me the grace to desire it
That others may be esteemed more than I...
That in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease...
That others may be chosen and I set aside...
That others may be praised and I unnoticed...
That others may be preferred to me in everything...
That others may become holier than I, provided I become as holy as I should...

Lord, help me desire that which is most difficult for me, the good of others over myself. Grant me the ability to accept the greatness of others. Lord, let me be satisfied for the life you have for me.

On Thirst and Knowledge

For as long as I can remember I have longed to acquire knowledge. In my hirearchy of motivations it is second only to deep relationships. The Enneagram speaks to this fact--I consistently test as a "4" with a very strong "5" wing.

What is it that gives me my thirst and desire to know all things?

I have always held value in my intelligence. Perhaps my longing to acquire knowledge is to aid my ego and confidence in myself through that facet.

The pursuit of wisdom is the pursuit of God. Perhaps I realize that by journeying to know all things, I am thus journeying to know the ways of God.

Maybe i'm just interested in a lot of things and long to understand them.

Some questions are not answerable... perhaps this is one of them. Is it important to know why I want to know? Probably, so as to guard against vain or sinful pursuits. Most likely its a combination of all three explanations, and perhaps more I have not thought of. For now though, my mind has run out of ideas concerning this topic.