Adoration Meditation: Loving Your Enemy

The Background

Yesterday the fiance and I went to Adoration for some much needed prayer time.  On the way there we had a discussion which left me with a topic to pray about (even though I didn't necessarily want to).

I'm working in a parish again, and it has its stressful moments.  The actions and words of various people, inside the parish and out (abortion and HHS debates, rude drivers, control freaks, and just generally uncharitable people), have made me question why some people can even call themselves Catholics (for they in no way act like it), and unfortunately I have started to lose faith in humanity, the Church, and its people.

Worst of all, I have found a growth of hate in my heart, and it was this very thing I wanted to take to prayer before the Blessed Eucharist.  It's hard to feel hate in front of the embodiment of love.

On our way there we were nearly hit (and likely seriously injured) by a driver who was at the very least distracted, but most likely made a stupid or selfish decision to turn left (I realized later that I really should give him the benefit of the doubt).  I made a comment that I should have hit him as a matter of justice, to which my fiance began to lecture me about God's mercy.  So, considering I have, as of late, lost sight of God's mercy, that is how I decided to approach the topic in prayer.

The Meditation


I opened the book of Psalms (one of my favorite books, especially in times of trouble) and started reading from the beginning.  After about 7 of them, I realized something--the Old Testament is filled with examples of people calling to God for Justice.  In the Old Testament, this was natural and perfectly acceptable, as God was the deliverer of his people, and Israel trusted him to judge their oppressors.  Furthermore, it was this belief in justice after life, that the wicked would parish and the good would be united with him, that gives Christians the consolation they need to not kill or seriously maim those incredibly stupid people (I exaggerate...but only a bit).

I realized however, that Jesus calls to more than that--though asking God to rain down judgement on those who have hurt us (my fiance' pointed out the story of James and John) may be acceptable and sometimes just, it not what the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross calls us to.  We are called, in fact, to wish that that person is actually received into heaven.

This is hard, because in doing that, we are left with no consolation of Justice, except for our own reception and union with him.  I relate it to the Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard in which everyone, even those who worked less, gets paid the same amount.  This parable, and this act of giving up our own consolation of judgment is SO hard for humans because it is contrary to our nature as human beings.  Mercy is divine, and thus it can only be given through the help of Christ.

We should all only be concerned with how WE will be judged, and furthermore, be seeking to help others "get paid" by receiving the beatific vision.  This is impossible to do ourselves, and thus the only way to truly love, is to let Christ love through you.

It's OK to Talk about You

People are wounded; it’s a fact of our fallen lives.  These wounds affect most everything in our lives—from our choice of work to how we communicate, much of it involves either healing or avoiding what hurts us.  One of things that it most affects is our relationships, especially how vulnerable we feel we can be.  Most of us, after being hurt by someone we love, grow up guarded and thinking we cannot trust certain groups of people.  Sometimes we feel as though we cannot trust anyone.  We feel we are all alone.  Other times we grow up believing that no one wants to hear what we think, or that to express our feelings is week, arrogant, or inconveniencing to others.  Often we just think that Jesus is the only one who we should ever take our wounds to.  Indeed, he is the Divine healer.  He alone will understand fully.

However…

I want every person reading this to hear me and understand—it is OK (in fact many times it is NECESSARY) to go other people (human people who have the capability of hurting you further) with your problems.  It is not burdensome, it is not arrogant, and it does not diminish the merit or penance of your suffering.  It does, in fact, allow the other person to exercise love, empathy, compassion, and service.  Your suffering, if you allow it, can help make others holy as well.

Humans are relational creatures, we exemplify the Trinity in that we are made to give AND receive love.  How can you expect others to love you if you don’t 1) love them and 2) ALLOW them to love you?  Some people feel loved when you trust them with your problems.  Some people ASK you if they can help you, making it clear that it would be no burden, but an exercise of love, to just listen to your hardships.  And yet, you deny them the chance to love you.

Yes, we all need to guard our hearts in the appropriate manner, but we also must dare to be vulnerable in the appropriate manner as well.  I challenge you all, as well as myself, to not be afraid to accept love.  Yes, you will probably be hurt again; unfortunately, humans do that to each other.  But you will also likely find a love that will transform your life.  I dare you to love.

Reflections on Charitability

I was thinking and praying today during mass about what to do concerning a specific situation.  I thought it very important to discern correctly what to do as it concerned the well-being of another person.  I began to feel overwhelmed because how can I, as a human being with limited intelligence and obscured by sin, be sure that I am right, especially when the other person is sure that the opposite is right?

That’s part of the problem—in today’s world, everyone thinks they’re right, but there are some situations where only one person can be in accord with reality.  I see this especially in the Catholic world in the liberal vs. conservative debate.  Conservatives think liberals are heretics, removed from the essence of the Church, and just weird.  Liberals think the conservatives are uncharitable, lacking the spirit, and close-minded.  Both are wrong.  Is there only one right answer in liturgy?  Of course not, liturgy is the praise of the people, and praise takes different forms.  I agree, there is a definite area in which the liturgy must occur to be appropriate, but because something varies from the “norm” does not mean it is illicit, invalid, or heresy.  If everything were in the norm then there would be no variety.  It is the openness to variety while remaining true to the spirit of Christ and the Church that makes the Catholic Church a universal and global church.  I’ll admit, it’s a hard line to walk but it’s possible.

The human condition makes us judge and think we’re right without really first considering the alternative.  We want to feel “in” and seek the approval of our peers, so we naturally point out the flaws of the “other” instead of inherently seeing the holy, the Christ, in all things.  No matter how far a Church or a Christian is from God, there is still goodness, there is still dignity, and there is still some form of divine work there.  This is especially so with parishes and people who are seeking to do God’s will.  Sure they may err, we all do, but doesn’t the very desire to seek holiness make you, in some sense, holy?  We are too obsessed with condemning and judging the other that we fail to see the good in things that we don’t already agree with.

All this has led me to question whether or not I can ever really know if I’m right.  I know that I can, God speaks to me, reveals things to me, and I do possess natural reason that seeks Truth in accordance with the natural order of things.  There are times I am right in my actions and my beliefs.  Of course, there are many, many, times in which I discern, act, reason, or believe incorrectly.  This is what causes the doubt.  How can I be sure that what I pray and decide is actually according to the Will and revelation of God.  I guess what I end up falling back on is 1) God’s ability to correct me and show me I’m on the wrong path, 2) God’s mercy, and 3) the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

All this pondering and prayer led me to think about the gifts that God has given me.  What are they? I’m not an incredibly good-looking person.  I’m not strong, or exceptionally eloquent.  I’m intelligent but not exceptionally or in a way that other people can’t fulfill that need.  I’m musical, but not prodigious.  So what has God given me?  Basically, He has given me, as he has every human person, a unique capacity to love in a specific way and Charism.

Knowing this, it is now my job to discern HOW best to love.  In a general way, I must obviously love as God does. How is this? 1) Meeting people where they are at: God will never turn his back on us because we do not do what he says.  His love is unconditional, human love should strive to be that as well. 2) True love must respect free will:  I must point out errors, pray, and continue love, but I must never condemn or withdraw my love because someone fails to align their will with the truth. 

That’s really all I’ve come up with—in reality I haven’t answered any questions about liturgy or what is right and wrong.  The only conclusion that I have come to is that I must be charitable in all things, for that will win more hearts for the Lord than legalistic rules.  It’s a fine line to tread, and I will often err on both sides.  Pray for me Brethren, and I shall pray for you.

Goodbye Marshall (On Nostalgia)

I have just finally officially finished moving out of my apartment in Marshall, and even though I’m very much happy to leave this town, I can’t help but be somewhat nostalgic about the last 16 months of my life.  I think some level of nostalgia is expected and healthy for any major life change—and this is definitely one. Part of me doubts if I was ever actually called to Marshall; I don't know if I was ever truly happy.  While I will miss many of the youth there, I will not miss the town in general.  Nevertheless, I learned a lot, so overall I know it was a good experience.

Why do we feel nostalgia?  Beats me--put perhaps its an apprehension about the future and thus a preference for the past.  Maybe its just that, as humans, we have trouble letting go or changing, even if the change is for the best.

I don't have a job yet, I'm basically poor, and I'm not sure what I'm doing with my future, but I am happier now than I ever was in Marshall--so, so much for nostalgia, I'm moving forward!

Random Rantings

I have a lot on my mind today.  I'm tired so I'm unfocused and I'm very contemplative.  I'm slightly crabby, pessimistic, and have no motivation to do my job today.

I need to figure out if youth ministry is really something I'm called to do.  I'm great at the relationship part... the youth love me.  I really suck at everything else--which is weird because I did stuff like this all through college.  I just never seem to do things right.  Perhaps what it is, is that, when confronted with the real word, I am forced to realize that I can't make everyone happy, and there will be people who just plain don't like me.  There are always going to be people who disagree with the way I do things, who doubt my ability, who would rather take control themselves, and who just don't like my personality.  There will always be people who are overcritical, oversensitive, overemotional, overly stupid, apathetic, and sinful.  There will always be humans.  I will always be human.  Perhaps I am cut out for this, and just need to have confidence in myself.  I dislike it here though, and I'm not happy, which probably means its time to move on.

Another thing that bugs me is the lack of commitment amongst families.  It's nearly impossible to plan an event because no one will commit to coming--so you don't know how much pizza and pop to get, can't tell what sort of games you'll need to play, how many chaperones you'll need, etc.   People don't respect deadlines and when asked if they'll they reply with a "maybe".  The fact is that they want to wait and see if something better, something more fun will come along.  Our society is so used to having instant gratification, so set in their ways, that the word commitment has come to mean "I'll do it if I feel like it when the time comes", and unfortunately, in my experience, they don't feel like Church.

Really I think, and I could just be pointing fingers, but I think the parents are mainly to blame.  The family is the foundational unit of the Church, and parents are supposed to be the primary educators of their children.  Ideally, families should be living strong, Christ centered lives.  But in reality that's not the case.  To most families school, sports, and status are the most important things.  Sports aren't bad, but when they make you so busy or shortsighted that you don't have time for God, then the parents aren't doing their job.  But that's the world we live in.

OK, enough ranting for now.

Further Distinctions on Culture

My continued reading of Ron Luce's book about youth ministry again brings me to consider even more deeply the essential differences between Catholic and Protestant culture. I have reflected on this for some time, and some of the things that have been coming to me have slightly concerned me. Therefore, more than wanting to know what the OBJECTIVE and essential differences are in culture, I'm beginning to be more concerned about the cause of the SUBJECTIVE essential differences are in the two cultures. For two of these I will be presenting as something in which I see as a problem in the Catholic Church. For a few it will be things I see as advantages.

Hierarchy and Role

One of the things that has bugged me about this book is that Ron Luce keeps talking about Youth Pastors preparing weekly/monthly "sermons". Sermons in my mind are reserved for Sacramentally ordained ministers during the celebration of liturgy. While there are other (sacramental) issues here, the first thing that this brings to mind is the Catholic focus on hierarchy. I love this about the Church... there are defined boundaries and roles that, while at first may seem limiting, are really just expressions of varied divine-given authority.

God gives us different roles in the Church, and while some may be called to teach, not all those who are called to teach are to do so in the same capacity or with the same authority. I am a DRE, I teach youth and to some extent parents as family, as well as evangelize to my friends (which is not done in a formal and public manner). I am not called to to shepherd a parish, a diocese, or an entire Church... that is for people who have been ordained by God. I give talks and lead discussions, I do not give sermons, letters, or encyclicals.

I feel as though this is a difference from protestants, both in the obvious differences in dependency on hierarchy (one of the major schism points in history), but also on the adherence to implicit boundaries. In a Catholic Church, not just anyone can give a formal and public exposition on faith (sure... privately is fine), but must be found to have some qualification of doing so. Perhaps my perception that protestants don't adhere to such rules is incorrect, but this is the first difference I perceive.

Sacramental Economy

One of the other things that defines Catholic Culture, and which I truly love, is the Sacramental Economy of the Church. The CCC (1076) defines the Sacramental Economy as "the communication of the fruits of Christ’s death and Resurrection through the sacraments". Basically its our participation in certain rituals that directly impart grace to us. The Sacraments are the life-blood of the Church and, all seven together, provide the necessary basis for living an authentic Christian life if practiced correctly. This is one area where my heart aches for protestants who don't have these, or don't recognize the depth and beauty inherent in every one of these. Sacraments are the primary way in which Catholics encounter God on earth, and thus formidably shape our culture by giving us an appreciation for ritual, liturgy, mediation, "mysticism", tradition, and the literal infusing of the Holy Spirit.

Depth of Emotion

This brings me to the first concern I have for my beloved Church. I'll begin with a Caveat though--this may just be a personal struggle that I am dealing with. It may not be characteristic of the Church as a whole, but it seems to be something I have noticed.

There seems to be a lack of depth in the Emotion of the Church. For some reason we are afraid to talk about how God makes us "feel", or how Jesus Christ is "moving in our lives", or how we have "received Jesus into our hearts". Many people would say we don't talk about it because they are "overly protestant terms". I disagree--I think there is a reason they are overly protestant. It seems to me that, in many cases, especially in certain populations in the Church, we become "surface Catholics"--focused on the intellectual and theoretical aspect of God, and not so much the Spiritual-relational aspect of Him. It's not that we don't have deep feelings of love for Christ, it's not that Spirit doesn't move us, it's that, for some reason, we seem to be afraid of talking about it (which will bring me to my next point).

This is one thing I think we need to learn from the protestants. They don't seem to fear expressing themselves... they can stand up and yell, "Amen". They talk about the intimate relationships they have with God... why don't we? I'm not saying we all need to be charismatic, I for one get a little uncomfortable with that and while a beautiful thing, is not for everyone... we just need to be open to expressing the Spirit more than we are.

Vulnerability

This issue follows closely with the last one. We as a Church (in my perception) are afraid to be vulnerable. Sure, we talk about it, we preach it, we right about it, but when it comes down to the individual practice of it, most lay people (and probably many ordained as well) are scared to be vulnerable. This is a part of the human condition unfortunately, but not only are we afraid to be vulnerable to each other, but to God. Many people are afraid to let the Spirit move in them. This is probably just a way of looking at the Emotional depth in a different way, so I won't go into too much depth about it.

Conclusion

I love my Church and my God with the depths of my heart. I am convinced that it is the fullest truth available to humans, and the fastest way to union with him. The Church is alive, we are the largest single denomination in the world, we serve, we evangelize, we worship, we teach, and we love. I feel we need to go deeper, we always need to, as Christ said, "put out into the deep". We need to challenge society's notion of privatism, individualism, and ego-centrism. Catholicism at its core is communal, and while we do a good job at worshiping in public, of praying in public, and engaging in community--if we want our numbers to grow and if we want to truly change hearts, we must not be afraid to be vulnerable and to show emotions.

Exposition on the Litany of Humility

The Litany of Humility, composed by Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930), is one of my most favorite prayers, and one which I try to pray everyday (although fail miserably at). Nevertheless, to achieve what this prayer asks for is one of the deepest desires of my heart. The prayer begins:

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, Hear me! Here we are praying to the one who embodies the virtues that we desire most by praying this prayer--not only humility but meekness (a beautiful but often overlooked virtue). Meekness is the combination of the virtues patience (bearing burdens joyfully) and gentility (right mediation of anger) and is equivalent to mercy. By praying this litany we are not only asking for humility, but also the patience to bear, and the gentility to deal with those who/that which make us humble.

The next three sections deal with the three aspects of humility--overcoming the desire to be loved, overcoming the fear of being rejected, and desiring the good of others in all things.

From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me Jesus!

Lord, help me not to seek fame or esteem, but to accept it when it comes, and let it glorify you.

From the desire of being loved...

Lord, help me not to seek love in unhealthy or unneeded ways. Help me be complete satisfied with your love. Help me to love purely in all things.

From the desire of being extolled...
From the desire of being honored...
From the desire of being praised...

Lord, help me do all things for the love of you alone. Help me to give all praise and honor to you and keep nothing for myself. Help me to lead hearts to you, and not to myself.

From the desire of preferred...
From the desire of being consulted...
From the desire of being approved...

Lord, help me to use my gifts for only those things you deem holy. Help me not to seek approval or to flaunt gifts you have given me. Help me to accept it when my friends go to other people for advice.

From the fear of being humiliated…

Lord, banish all fear from my heart. Help me to not be afraid of anything you have planned for me. Help me not to fear my cross or the purifying fires of your love. Help me live with reckless abandon, running towards the unknown things you have planned for me.

From the fear of being despised...

Lord, help me to care only about what you think. Let me not fear the the despisement of others, which is often based on fear and misunderstanding itself.

From the fear of being rebuked...

Lord, help me accept humbly the consequences for what I have done wrong. Help me Lord to even accept responsibility for that which I did not do wrong, in order to atone for that which I have gotten away with.

From the fear of being calumniated...
From the fear of being forgotten...
From the fear of being ridiculed...
From the fear of being wronged...
From the fear of being suspected...

Lord help me to live only with joy, without fear in my heart. Help to accept all things that lead me closer to your heart.

That others may be loved more than I, Jesus grant me the grace to desire it
That others may be esteemed more than I...
That in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease...
That others may be chosen and I set aside...
That others may be praised and I unnoticed...
That others may be preferred to me in everything...
That others may become holier than I, provided I become as holy as I should...

Lord, help me desire that which is most difficult for me, the good of others over myself. Grant me the ability to accept the greatness of others. Lord, let me be satisfied for the life you have for me.

Emerging Problems in the Church

Two of the main things running through my mind today have to do with problems in the Church that I've encountered over the last couple days--one old and one new.

Christian (Dis)Unity: A week ago our RCIA candidates went through the "Rite of Election", the beginning of the last phase before being fully accepted into the Church. Their names were printed in the bulletin. A couple days later they all received letters in the mail from an anonymous writer. The strongly anti-catholic hate material (from a website) was preceeded with a hand written comment saying "I give this to you because I care". The website (linked here) detailed how obviously corrupt the Catholic Church and displayed a grotesquely ignorant view of a misunderstood Church. Highlighted in the "letter" were lines such as "The Catholic religion is the unrepentant sinners religion", "Catholicism eliminates faith", and "The PROBLEM is that most of the teachings of the Catholic religion are merely traditions, doctrines of devils, NOT found anywhere in the Bible." If you know any truth about Catholicism, you know none of these represent the Truth.

I encourage to read the website to see some of the filth that our Brothers and Sister in Christ publish about the Catholic Church... but only if you can think for yourself and keep a heart of love. There are so many things that break my heart in this website... refuting them would make this post too long.

The sad part is that, at a time when Christians need to stand together, many of us (Catholics included) only tear each other apart and damn each other to Hell...which any informed Christian would realize only GOD can do! This truly breaks my heart, and I can't help but feeling sorry for people so lead astray that they must resort to such methods.

The Growing Diversity of Catholicism in America

This week in our parish we've had a few families ripped apart by the Governments need to deport people. Children who are legal citizens are ripped from their parents and held in cells until they can be sent back to Mexico, where their parents have been sent to because, though they are productive members of society, they aren't "legal".

The problem is that the Church in America as a whole (at least from what I've experienced) has yet to realize how to properly integrate and minister to/with this culture. The Hispanic and Latino culture, being significantly more collective than the Anglo culture, is hard for many of us to understand. Should they be forced to learn our language, or should we learn theirs? Yes, in a few years they will be the majority, but the Catholic Church is basing the new liturgy off the prominence of the English language in the world. Should we have separate Spanish Masses, or should we encourage full integration into "our Church".

Obviously the key lies in balance, helping them to assimilate into the unique culture of the American Catholic Church while allowing them to keep their own Identity and make "our culture" even more beautiful. I obviously don't have all the answers, but I believe our current and future priests and ministers need to be taught how to live in this changing and diversifying culture.