It's OK to Talk about You

People are wounded; it’s a fact of our fallen lives.  These wounds affect most everything in our lives—from our choice of work to how we communicate, much of it involves either healing or avoiding what hurts us.  One of things that it most affects is our relationships, especially how vulnerable we feel we can be.  Most of us, after being hurt by someone we love, grow up guarded and thinking we cannot trust certain groups of people.  Sometimes we feel as though we cannot trust anyone.  We feel we are all alone.  Other times we grow up believing that no one wants to hear what we think, or that to express our feelings is week, arrogant, or inconveniencing to others.  Often we just think that Jesus is the only one who we should ever take our wounds to.  Indeed, he is the Divine healer.  He alone will understand fully.

However…

I want every person reading this to hear me and understand—it is OK (in fact many times it is NECESSARY) to go other people (human people who have the capability of hurting you further) with your problems.  It is not burdensome, it is not arrogant, and it does not diminish the merit or penance of your suffering.  It does, in fact, allow the other person to exercise love, empathy, compassion, and service.  Your suffering, if you allow it, can help make others holy as well.

Humans are relational creatures, we exemplify the Trinity in that we are made to give AND receive love.  How can you expect others to love you if you don’t 1) love them and 2) ALLOW them to love you?  Some people feel loved when you trust them with your problems.  Some people ASK you if they can help you, making it clear that it would be no burden, but an exercise of love, to just listen to your hardships.  And yet, you deny them the chance to love you.

Yes, we all need to guard our hearts in the appropriate manner, but we also must dare to be vulnerable in the appropriate manner as well.  I challenge you all, as well as myself, to not be afraid to accept love.  Yes, you will probably be hurt again; unfortunately, humans do that to each other.  But you will also likely find a love that will transform your life.  I dare you to love.

Random Rantings

I have a lot on my mind today.  I'm tired so I'm unfocused and I'm very contemplative.  I'm slightly crabby, pessimistic, and have no motivation to do my job today.

I need to figure out if youth ministry is really something I'm called to do.  I'm great at the relationship part... the youth love me.  I really suck at everything else--which is weird because I did stuff like this all through college.  I just never seem to do things right.  Perhaps what it is, is that, when confronted with the real word, I am forced to realize that I can't make everyone happy, and there will be people who just plain don't like me.  There are always going to be people who disagree with the way I do things, who doubt my ability, who would rather take control themselves, and who just don't like my personality.  There will always be people who are overcritical, oversensitive, overemotional, overly stupid, apathetic, and sinful.  There will always be humans.  I will always be human.  Perhaps I am cut out for this, and just need to have confidence in myself.  I dislike it here though, and I'm not happy, which probably means its time to move on.

Another thing that bugs me is the lack of commitment amongst families.  It's nearly impossible to plan an event because no one will commit to coming--so you don't know how much pizza and pop to get, can't tell what sort of games you'll need to play, how many chaperones you'll need, etc.   People don't respect deadlines and when asked if they'll they reply with a "maybe".  The fact is that they want to wait and see if something better, something more fun will come along.  Our society is so used to having instant gratification, so set in their ways, that the word commitment has come to mean "I'll do it if I feel like it when the time comes", and unfortunately, in my experience, they don't feel like Church.

Really I think, and I could just be pointing fingers, but I think the parents are mainly to blame.  The family is the foundational unit of the Church, and parents are supposed to be the primary educators of their children.  Ideally, families should be living strong, Christ centered lives.  But in reality that's not the case.  To most families school, sports, and status are the most important things.  Sports aren't bad, but when they make you so busy or shortsighted that you don't have time for God, then the parents aren't doing their job.  But that's the world we live in.

OK, enough ranting for now.

Goals and Mission in Evangelism

Those who know me or read this blog regularly enough know that I value succinctness, thesis statements, and purpose and meaning. These constitute my paradigm for the world--It is my elucidation. I believe that principles close to these, mission, vision, and goals, are necessary parts of an organized catechesis and evangelization. For it is these very things that get my fired up and passionate for souls of youth.

In the book I'm reading Ron Luce strongly stresses the importance of focusing everything around a mission, vision, and goals. I completely agree with this, which is why one of the first things I did when I got here was to come with a mission statement:

We aim to provide a safe place for youth to come together in fellowship, to empower youth to live authentic lives of the Gospel, and to challenge them to become Saints according to their call to Holiness through the Sacraments of Initiation.

It's a little long for a mission statement, so perhaps it could be shortened to "Empowering youth to live like Christ". I haven't done a great job of focusing everything on this--I'll admit, I do some pointless programs, but it is a vision that fuels my desire to see a better future for our youth.

It bothers me when people stagnate because they are afraid of the hard work it takes to change. Why would I waste my time going to meetings where nothing is accomplished? Why do we allow ourselves to settle for mediocrity--no successful business would take such an attitude! We are in the most important business of all--the business of souls! And our competitor is the the most schrewd and unscrupulous CEO in the entire world... and by failing to have a battle plan to win the hearts of our "customers" we are LOSING! Get off your butts and fight for the change that you profess to believe in.

OK... maybe that was a little harsh. But we cannot be afraid to sacrifice for the good of the Church. We must have movement, change, and a our hearts set towards heaven. We must know where we're headed if we want to know how to get there.

On the Busyness of a Generation

One thing I've noticed in my ministry and time with teens is how busy they are. One girl I know is in Show Choir, Speech, and the "One Act" this semester. All of her weekends are booked solid, she has practice for one thing or another every day after school until at least 5, does homework for her 3 AP courses until dinner, eats, and goes to bed.

When does a teen like this have time to practice their faith... almost as important, when does a teen like this have time to be teen, to foster good relationships, and take time for themselves?

But this is not just an isolated case--most of my youth suffer from the "overdrive syndrome". They do marching band, track, speech, basketball, play, show choir, dance, hockey... all of which take up at least three days a week after school, as well as most weekends.

Granted, I am a little biased; I would rather have them spend all their time at Church. But even so, I would not want them spending ALL they're time here... a kid needs time to be a kid.

What are the side effects of this? Well, people have trouble prioritizing and committing. Deadlines to my youth and parents seem to be relative. They never want to commit to anything unless they know what else will be going on at the time. They are always waiting for something better to come along. Also, because parents tend to put more of a focus on Athletic and Artistic achievement rather than spiritual achievement, our kids are not getting spiritually fed.

So who's to blame? Well, everyone. The parents are to blame for letting they're kids do so much (they should limit activities) and for instilling an extreme "need to succeed" attitude. The kids are at fault for not being able to prioritize, commit, and realize what they need in life. The Church is to blame to for not making Faith marketable to youth.

How do we fix this? We need to let our children know that they're worth is not based on how much they do, but on who they are in God. They need to know that silence, simplicity, and spirituality are the keys to a healthy and happy life. Finally, they need to be forced to make decisions and to ask themselves "what is most important in my life, and why?"

So concludes my rant for the day.