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Monday, February 1, 2010

"What's My Motivation"

I have lately felt as though I am an exotic fish trapped in the fish bowl of a Gold Fish. This world I'm in right now just seems to small to contain me--my ambitions seem so much greater, and I feel as though i'm called to do greater things than just live in Marshall, MN. I don't mean this in an arrogant fashion, for all those who do God's will do great things, but lately I've felt as though my dreams cannot be contained.

I want to travel and see the world, I want to write books and perform music. I want to speak to crowds and teach. I want to foster deep relationships with all sorts of people. I want to learn a dozen languages and experience the culture of many people. It's not so much that I want to be great, or even do great things, but rather I want to live a great life.

I feel bad that my plans seem so grandiose, so superfluous, so... expensive, but I realize that these dreams come from a longing in my Soul. God has planted these desires in my heart for a reason, and I intend to find something that will enable me to live the life I dream of.

And so, for now, I work patiently in Marshall, asking, much like an actor, "what's my motivation?" Dreams change, and maybe mine will too (I know they already have in some aspects), but I have always felt called to do something great, and I intend to seek it out. Ironically, patience is the everlasting fuel of those who seek.


Anonymous said...


I don't fully understand your feelings of "containment", but I do understand your dreams. I always marvel at the kindred spirit we share. :)

Remember that God's love cannot be contained... and I'm praying for you constantly.

-Ephesians 3:14-21

Emily :)

jayeconn said...

I think everyone is meant to do great things...your time will come when you will be able to do all the things you have ever wanted to do...don't rush it...always find happiness in what is going on now.